The love bond with someone will always be there, whether or not you're in a radically different lifestyle than you were in when you made and deepened a relationship. A constant problem with the spiritual path is, what if one partner outgrows the other, what if a child outgrows a parent, etc.? And you still are connected perhaps genetically and through the heart, but you also don't want them to hold you back in your own growth.
When someone reaches a crossroads like that, they know a decision has to be made. Do I hold back on my own growth? Especially if there are dependents like children or elderly parents, but even in general, do I try to not outshine my spouse or my friends? Or do I get the courage up to go forward alone if need be, and leave people behind as far as common interaction goes, and forge ahead?
It's a delicate balance, because in order to go forward in your own journey, you do need a certain amount of support and continuity. We don't want to leave anyone so far ahead that they feel like they've lost all support and continuity, especially in terms of relationships, which then can lead to a health or emotional collapse. We find that problem especially in a culture like this one that admires independence more than connection. Your employment policies are not usually geared toward people being able to have time to spend with their sick family member or take care of people. It's "forge ahead in your career at all costs." You're all indoctrinated that you are separate independent people, and you need to get to the top, and don't worry about connections along the way.
So in your culture, we find that people are less equipped to know themselves enough even to know how much continuity with past relationships they need. People tend to cut ties too quickly and blaze ahead, not valuing enough the community, tradition, ritual, and some of the more solid things that can hold people back, but that can provide nurturing as well.
We find ourselves here sometimes having to be the ones encouraging people to hold back, whereas in all the traditional cultures we're working in, we're more often encouraging people to go forward and be unique individuals, to fulfill their destiny truly.
You also have in your culture a lack of institutional support, if you want to go deeply into a spiritual journey and take some risks in terms of how much you can really let go. Mystics tend to be into dissolving a lot of the conventions they were born with. For many mystics it's like going through a death before you die, to die to who you thought you were. This is usually considered a part of spiritual life, especially in shamanic societies where there's often an initiation through something that feels like death. Death of the false self, you might say, of the outward things that define you, and a going into more of a direct experience of unseen realities that do not necessarily give you a strong sense of individuality. They may give you more of a sense of the connection between all things, and how we're all one, the oneness.
In cultures that have secret societies or monasteries, structure is provided so that spiritual adepts can let go of survival issues and just be in that very fluid, mergy kind of space where they don't have to define themselves. The energy it takes to start a career or a business is the opposite of going to a monastery and letting go. Very few people in your society have that kind of structural support to where they can just let go and be real receptive.
When Cathee and Peter met, they thought that he would be the one doing the outward worldly stuff and she'd be the mystic. And then he very quickly started developing mystical qualities—sensitivity and receptivity—that make it hard for him to be out there in the world as well. And now they're in a pickle. So you know, we send you people for support, and then they get corrupted by this mystical contagion.
In your culture we're finding it complex to gauge how much support you need. How much family do you need? And how much can we expect you to dissolve aspects of yourself that you may be asking to dissolve? You may be saying, "I want to give up my neuroses," but those neuroses actually may be useful in your neurotic society to get you ahead and survive. Let's face it, you may have acquired your neuroses because they were quite useful. For instance, you may have felt like you had to learn to not trust people in defense. And maybe you've taken that deep distrust too far to where it's a depression, but it may have been based on some pretty accurate interpretations of experiences. A certain amount of being careful is not a bad idea.
So it's a very complex society, and we actually thrive on a new challenge here, we'll admit. But we want to lay our cards on the table of what we're dealing with. And to help you understand, and maybe you can help us understand, where the balance is for people who are under the pressures you're under, and who have quite a bit of support for going off into the unknown very bravely, and initiating big changes in their lives.
This is our suggestion of how to proceed. We think there's no way around acknowledging your strong bonds to family, no matter what those relationships have felt like to you. There's something very real in the genetic—or even if you're adopted—the familial bonds. There's something about spending eighteen or so years of your life in someone else's energy field, and if you nursed and if you are with your genetic family that's probably even stronger. But even if you were just nurtured from a young age, you psychically are so affected by your family that we think it's impossible to even begin to answer a question like "what if I had been born to or adopted by a different family?" You're so shaped by who you grew up with, it's a lot of who you are. And so to walk knowing that, and yet to not totally have your fate determined by these people, for better or worse, is quite an interesting part of the human experience.
Our suggestion is to practically blast these people with light. You're connected with them and you always will be. From what we've seen, you all seem to be more likely to hide your light if you're with family members who don't seem to be comfortable with it—if you're in the presence of someone who may not be quite as far along in their spiritual growth as you are—than you are to shine it extra bright. And you've learned to do this probably from self-protection and not wanting to stand out, because you may have felt like you'd get flack if you stood out too far.Cathee's sister's family was here this week only one night, and the next night she had a horrible night. She was in a lot of physical pain, and woke up feeling whacked. And we told her it was because her aura, her power, her radiance, has gotten so much bigger that she couldn't just stuff it in without really doing damage to herself. She instinctively tries to tone herself down when she's around family members—she usually gets criticized and feels like the black sheep in her family. And she just couldn't do it effectively any more. It hurt too much to try to squeeze herself into a little box.
We're saying you really don't have to do that any more. You're choosing paradigms where you don't have to. What if it's OK to be fully as big and beautiful as you are? This we think will be noticed first by your families or close friends. We encourage you to try letting out your light more, and going forward with the new paradigm that that doesn't tag you for martyrdom. It doesn't tag you for someone wanting to reach over and drain your extra energy, or be jealous of you and put you down, or talk behind your back. It may actually lead to people admiring you and wanting to be around you.
So what would it look like to now live a reality where even within families, people are glad that they have siblings or parents or children that are bright and radiant, going into uncharted waters that maybe they don't understand, but they can respect? What if this were the new paradigm?
In order for this to happen, you're going to have to act as if, we're afraid, and test the waters with it. But there have been a lot of questions since we started talking about helping you leap, about, well, does that mean I'll have to leave my family behind? And as we've watched, we've thought about this, and we don't think it's really a matter of you leaving anybody behind. It's a matter of someone maybe not being comfortable with who you're becoming, and they may choose to not spend as much time with you. But we don't really see that you have to leave anybody behind, if you're letting your light shine, if you're keeping your heart open, and if you're loving them. That's not your choice, that's their choice, to be left behind. You're also, though, giving them a boost up if they want that.
We realize that just because you're leaping doesn't mean that you're always in a good mood, and you don't have any neuroses left, and you're always shining your light. They may also choose to not be around you at times for other reasons than because you're too bright a light! [laughs] But generally, we do think that a part of the leap for all of you is bound to be a brighter light that you just can't cap any more. And in the new paradigm, you don't need to.
So we would really encourage everyone here tonight, and anyone who will read this, to not worry about leaving people behind. To think more about how you can give people a boost up if they want it. And you don't necessarily have to talk about the leap, but to just let them be around you.
There are bound to be people in your family who are in really different kinds of soul families, who are interested in very different kinds of things than what you're into. And so you may not hang out as much the more that each of you becomes authentically who you are. You may find that you're pulled in very different directions. But that's always the case in any relationship, that you may find friendships changing and even which family members you hang out with the most changing. That's just life and growth. We think, generally speaking, it's very cool that you live in a very independent society, where you can have quite a bit of support for trying to find your own unique individuality and go deeply into marching to the beat of your own drummer.
We have talked about radical intimacy as being something that our soul family is geared towards. Being part nature, we're very aware of the oneness of things. Nature never quite loses the awareness of that oneness, more than human-oriented soul families. But you all also have a good helping of a fear of radical intimacy as well, even though it comes naturally to you. You've probably had plenty of experiences where you felt close to someone who didn't feel the same way towards you. Many people fear being close to someone, and in putting up their defenses against intimacy, they become aggressive and hurtful.
But as we leap you over into a world where this oneness is felt more by more people, a lot of what you'll be dealing with is not defending yourself, but finding some stable sense of selfhood in the midst of what may be a very joyful but disorienting oneness with people. You'll need to be able to field feeling close to people and them being willing to be close to you, and still feel like a functional human being with your own preferences and your own destiny. We see this coming with the dimensional shift, certainly. In the fourth dimension people know that things are much more fluid than third dimensional people usually realize, even in terms of selfhood. And we find it utterly fascinating to watch people move into the realization that your oversoul level can be your center of personality, even as much as your separate self level has been. We call this "being we." In many traditions it would be called "enlightenment," when you're operating from the sense of the oneness coming through your individual expression of it. And that can feel very out of control, which is probably why there are very few people who have huge enlightenment experiences. Many people say they want it, but when they get close to it . . . well, as a Buddhist teacher once said, "The you that wants to be enlightened won't be there when you get there."
We approach this by encouraging you to work with experiencing that oneness in relationships, rather than just sitting and meditating until you feel one with All That Is. We find it much more interesting and enjoyable to encourage you to let yourself have that in this relationship or that relationship, or in small groups like this, and experience it there. We think it feels safer, more comfortable, and also more fun, to have a little zing of polarity there, that falling in love feeling sometimes even, rather than just going for some pure abstract beingness. Although, that's fine for those who want to go for it in its pure form. We shouldn't use the word "pure"—we think doing it through relationships is just as pure as sitting and meditating, definitely, and in a lot of ways richer in the wisdom gained, and the fun. We think fun has to be a part of the spiritual journey or it's not worth doing. And we think it's all terribly fun what we're doing with you all, whether you always see it that way or not! [laughs]
So we would say in the next few months, you will be finding—especially if we help you along the way—that probably more of an issue will be "how do I handle feeling so in love with so many people?" rather than "how do I stop clamping down on myself so much?" Then it's like being in the big waterfall and whooo—a little overstimulating.
from Family Ties in the Leap to:
Part One table of contents
Parallel Worlds Leap Handbook intro
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