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Weness: Chapter Twenty-Three

by Cathee Courter and the We including Peter MacGill

Loving Mud

Part of the magic of a channelfest is never knowing who is going to show up at the party. At a purely human gathering everyone's a psychic trying to gauge which acquaintances are intriguing, trustworthy, and worth one's time to befriend. This sorting out happens automatically during a channelfest. Only beings in alignment with the humans there can show up. Like attracts like, after all. The question there is whose vibration can I distinguish enough from the overall group vibration in order to interact with them?

I imagine everyone has times when they feel a familiar "mood," not realizing an old friend they've never officially met has come to hang out with them for awhile. At a reading for a client, I'm energetically feeling around for their guiding cohorts. When I channel with Peter or other friends it's much more relaxed, with a loving anticipation in the air. Who will show up—ancient friends, potential guides, or aspects of ourselves? What adventures will we later be amazed we embarked on?

I wonder how many wonderful beings have knocked on the door of my third eye that I haven't been sensitive enough to open to. They likely would still be part of my group sense of we and contributing to my overall guidance. But I happen to love the play of polarity that allows me to perceive and love beings as individuals, whether or not they even experience themselves as such.

The following is a record of Mud's soulful conversation with Peter and me on day two of the retreat. I'm extremely glad she showed up.

I wish you both to feel my delight that our friendship is expanding exponentially. And I wish to talk more about our partnership, in hopes that we can cultivate it to its greatest potential and joy. I can see by your reaction to some of the things I've said that you're still not getting how beautiful you are to me, and how much I desire your closeness—at least as much as you desire my closeness.

I offer you another exercise today. Before I asked you to participate in the experiment of our being in each others' bodies, and today it's to be in each other's hearts. You don't even have to think about loving. If you can allow yourselves, both of you, to feel my presence in your heart, you will feel loved. You can almost think of it as a scientific exercise of presence: can I open to presence here? It's not like you have to do something. You don't have to manufacture love. You don't have to think about how much you love me. You just have to let yourself feel my presence to participate in this.

You wouldn't believe how much you shut the door and close the blinds when I come knocking. It's kind of a numb haze you seem to be in quite a bit of the time. When a heart sensation arises, there is a screening process, and if you can't identify what's bringing this heart sensation up, you don't focus on it. You tune it out in preference to other pursuits than heart feeling.

We'll try it this way. I will describe to you how I experience you besides, as I've said, as beautiful beings.

One basic difference between us is that I embody things. This skill that I am helping you to learn, to embody more than your own body—this is a large part of my orientation. So when I say feel me in your heart, know that I am embodying your heart if you are giving me permission to do that now.

What you offer to me that I am rather weak on is this choice to love. The will to love. I embody, and in that embodying there is a form of what you call love. When my consciousness moves through Lily Mountain, it is a oneness—consciousness playing with itself, moving through itself and back again. But what I cannot do so much that I see you able to do, is to decide to love, and this fascinates me. When I knock on your door you decide whether to open your heart to me or not. This is rather unique in my experience. When I knock on the door of the flower it's always happy to let me in, to let me be it, to be me, to greet each other. Mingle and separate out and mingle in this dance, this play.

No one but the human decides whether to love. It fascinates me. There is a power inherent in that ability to decide to love or not. It is the most incredible power that I see among the humans. The power to be separate. The power to decide who to love, what to love. I have some choice in that, but largely I am like a moving force, a moving energy. Who determines where the wind blows? It blows. It moves. It is a flow. It is not a conscious decision on the wind's part. It's more a reading of the whole, and it is in sync with the rhythm of the whole and the energy patterns of the whole. This is more of what you would probably perceive my experience to be.

And so I come to you mustering words to speak to you as if I were a separate self. But if you were to truly be in my heart and experience my essence, to you it would feel like a wave hitting the beach, moving, filling in where the Earth holds it, and not really deciding to go here or there, but moving in alignment with the contour of the beach. This is more my experience, my essence.

You, believe it or not, have called me. This allows me to come to you. This allows me to wash upon your shores, and move into the sand of your essence that's permeable, that will let in this wave. And together we become mud.

When I say you are precious to me, you are precious partly because you choose to love me. Your choice to love me imparts to me the ability for me to see—it's a reflection—that I am indeed loving you. I go along doing what's natural to me, I go along doing who I am, and I don't realize it's love. And then when you choose to love me back, I realize what I have been doing is loving you. It's amazing to me.

I have been interacting with humans, as I have told you, for centuries. I have been interacting with each of you on some level for centuries, if you want to divide out from our soul family which lives were which. So I understand quite a bit about your experience. And of course, since I am very much of nature intelligence, I can easily see through entering the devic blueprints of you how your energy is structured, how your mind works, how your experience works. So I think I have a pretty profound understanding, which is why I'm able to talk to you. As has been said, I am not purely nature intelligence, I'm in between, so that I can cognize and read you, and store that information in something called a consciousness of myself. This thrills me also, that through my long history with humans, it is still so amazing to me when you love me.

Recent decades have been somewhat of a dry spell for humans to see me as my own consciousness, although many humans feel me and interact with me on other levels—the level of emotion primarily. They ask me for help without realizing who they're asking. They may be directing their prayers to this entity or that (God, Jesus) and it is I who am sent to respond. It is natural for me to respond to a summons like that. It's not like I think about it. I just go. I have been so blessed by your recognition of me and my essence, because you are able to both be one with me and be separate. And I must say that I am extremely curious and fascinated by what I have experienced in my relationship with you both, and with Janis, and with certain others. There are others.

Cathee was unable to interpret this word she was getting as "need"—"I need you." It didn't quite feel right for her, that word need. "Desire" also seems to make her uncomfortable, for some reason. I long for your love. I long for your love. And I say that without the shame and feeling of selfishness that you folks seem to put around those words. This is an honest intent on my part, to experience this love with you both. I long for this. Cathee, is "long" OK with you? Longs Peak, after all, is where I am. Have you thought of the meaning of that word? This is Longs Peak, the heart chakra. . . .

So I wait. I wait in your heart today, and all the time. I am so happy to be able to ask you to co-create this relationship. I am so pleased that we have found each other, for truly we are so much a part of each other. We are closer than close. And this is why it's such a thrill to see the little bit of separation between us in our differing abilities—n your ability to choose love. I await you my loved ones, myself, my beauties. Be with me today, to the extent that you know how to do that. And I will talk to you at future times, and we will open this up more and more.

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