Al: Maybe I can express my penance more. I feel so horrible, Cathee. I think in the past maybe I felt judged and felt bad about that, but now I just feel genuine remorse, when I see Stan. He went through a lot of the same stuff that I did, but he held up a lot better than I did. Maybe his first six years were better than mine. I don't know. But I just feel horrible about what I did to Johnny.
I'm finding friends here, but I it's hard for me to really participate in the community. They've been very good to me, and very healing. But I haven't found my place yet, put it that way.
Cathee: What's going on with Alan? [Alan is Al's parallel self in Cathee's world who corded her up the previous year] Is he a total pawn? Is he one of those programmed people?
Al: Loosely, there are people that are . . . now I'm telling you stuff that could get you in trouble, Cathee.
Cathee: Yeah, I want to know. If I'm gonna get in trouble, I'm gonna get in trouble anyway.
Al: That's probably true.
There are different levels of programming. I think that he mainly was getting secondhand energy from me. I don't think he has been directly messed with nearly as much as I was.
I know I keep saying the same thing, and it seems so unlikely, but I really don't know how much they're watching Johnny now, and I don't know how much Alan is involved in that. They didn't tell me things. I can guess that they'd be right over.
But the moment at which Johnny leapt, the parallels that came off from that were headed downhill, as far as I know, All of them. There wasn't a lot of hope after he got cloned. And that's why I consider it such a miracle that you guys brought me over.
I think the party was over when he leapt. You heard that there was a probability where a parallel self of mine lasted a year and a half. But. What am I trying to say? The light went out of our lives. I think at that point I could see the cruelty of what we did. It was like a wake-up time. It was very sobering.
I'm surprised I survived. My superiors felt that I was somewhat responsible for him getting away. They suspected that I had done something that let John grab him. I don't know why they thought that, because, why would I? But there was a time there where I feared for my life. And even though I was able to get back to Al—somewhat what I was before—I really had no hope. I really had no future.
What they did on the probabilities where time didn't stand still immediately, was put me in what I would consider a menial job that didn't have much power. I was friends with Carolyn before that.
Cathee: Friends? What do you mean? You tapped her mind?
Al: No. I actually hung around physically in the White House. I don't think she knew who I was, except that I worked for the government in security. But I knew her and the kids.
Al: Just in passing. But I liked to tickle the kids a little bit, or say something that would make them laugh. I had to see what their lives were like, to impersonate John. I had to see what his schedule was. I had to see what his wife was like. You know, I was thinking of settling in for a long time. So I hung out a lot, and tried to get to know them. Tried to get to know their lifestyle. Get a feel for it. I mean, really Cathee, I think I know them better than just about anybody does. Except maybe you now. (laughs)
They were just kind of regular people. And carrying a whole lot of weight, and having a whole lot of idealism. But I didn't (laughs) . . . I don't mean to insult you, Johnny, but I didn't think it would be insurmountable to fit in there. Because there are certain things you do as president. You go to a lot of meetings. You read a lot of briefs. You talk to people. You see your wife once in a while and your kids, and pet a lot of dogs. Shake a lot of hands. As they say, kiss a lot of babies. So I observed him a lot. And of course, I had access to not only tapping his brain, but all the intelligence I wanted on what his life was like.
See, I know it sounded so strange when I said, well, I really love Johnny. For that matter, I would recognize Stan if I saw him. You get to know people when they're your job, to get to know them. I hung out in the White House a lot. Not always directly where they would see me or where I would see them. But I was there quite a bit. Whether in body or just in mind, I felt like I was saturated with their lives, really quite a bit.
Sure, I knew about Carolyn's affairs. That's intelligence that everybody had to know who was involved in my mission. What their vulnerabilities were, what their personalities were like. You know, was John sleeping with his wife or not, because she would suspect if . . . one way or another. That's one thing that I wasn't confident that I would be able to pull off—sleeping with his wife as if I were him. I thought she was bound to see a difference there.
As I look back, Cathee, it's a pipe dream now that we ever thought we could pull that off for more than a few days, and not have people say "why is he acting so different?" I think we were—well, was it Stan that said "manic"? I think that's pretty accurate. It was silly to think we could pull it off. I don't know if my high-ups were that silly too, or if they just didn't care. They just wanted the power. They didn't really care if people would say, "this isn't right," or not. They knew nobody could do anything about it. I mean, if the body looked like John, what would people do, other than somebody staging a coup or something? The president's the president, and there he is. I think that was part of the fun of it for them, to think that even if they did get found out, it didn't matter. They still had the power. And maybe that would even make them feel even more powerful, if people knew there was a clone in office, but they couldn't do anything about it. Because they felt he was Commander in Chief, and they would have that position.
There was a lot of hubris. (laughs) A lot of in your face feeling to it, I think, of "we're gonna show them." We're gonna kinda make a mockery of the presidency. Johnny has said, like last summer, that it was a bunch of juveniles who didn't care about the country who were doing this. And I've had to look at that. And I'm still looking at that. I think it's scary how much of the country is like that. When I look around, are the stockbrokers mature people, by and large? Are the doctors in the hospitals that are steering people towards expensive operations and drugs for things that would be easy to heal naturally—are they mature? I've been looking at who is mature. Who is a responsible member of society. I have to say, I don't see a lot. I don't see a lot. And certainly not in government. You see all sorts of things in government.
It's easy to be cynical when you're in the Secret Service, or the background government (laughs) as you call it. You are supposed to get the dirt on people, and I think sometimes we got more dirt than we saw their accomplishments. Because even if you were protecting someone instead of impersonating them, you had to know their vulnerabilities. You had to know well, like if they were sleeping with a prostitute that wasn't yours. (laughs) Then, you knew they were vulnerable to somebody else. It's a very weird business. I really did see that, that sometimes if someone seemed to have the sexual vulnerability of, he was willing to, you know. And it was almost always "he," that went out on his wife. If he was willing to sleep around, and politicians are notorious for that, you wanted your prostitutes in there, your call girls, or your people. Because you were afraid he'd go sleep with somebody else's people. I don't really think there is such a thing as a prostitute who isn't pretty planted in Washington who is successful at getting close enough to a politician, by and large.
You were wondering, there's a scandal now around President Obama's Secret Service agents. He was going to a summit meeting in Columbia, and his guys were sleeping with prostitutes and drinking heavily before he got there. Now, you were wondering if those prostitutes would be plants or not. Well, of course they are. That's why (laughs) these guys got fired immediately, because you can't have that. Of course those women were trying to get in there. That to me, Cathee, is unbelievably unprofessional. I don't know if your parallel is a lot different than mine, or what. I mean, that just blows my mind that they would do that. I just don't get that. If it's true, it's horrible. I mean, the president's secret servicemen even, not down a few ranks or something. None of the agents on my parallel ever drank, on duty or off duty. I'm so amazed.
Cathee: So why would they track Johnny across parallels after death?
Al: Oh, Cathee, he's a repository of knowledge. The people I was with would not understand that he could be just a good man, and not have a lot of revenge feelings, or side with someone who would get us, even after death. I think they've probably been pretty bored with you. (laughs)
It's hard to look across parallels this way. And like I said, I was demoted. They weren't about to keep me in the intelligence loop, if I might have helped him get out. If there was any chance I helped him get away, then I'm a very weak link, and they wouldn't want me to know anything. So I don't know what they've been up to, and they could have worked with Alan without me even knowing what they were doing with him. I mean, it's strange but true.
I don't have a conscious relationship with Alan myself. We don't talk to each other like you talk to everybody. I wish we did, especially now that I could help him. I would really like that with Alan. "Alan? Hello, baby." (laughs) Maybe that would happen if he reads this stuff, I don't know. But I would very much like that with him. Because, to tell you the truth, there's so much I don't know, Cathee.
Cathee: Well, can't you read Alan's mind easily and see who's controlling him or not?
Al: Well, that's how I knew to leap. I mean, that's how I knew to talk to you last spring. I didn't officially track Johnny over to your parallel and talk to you. Like I'm telling you, they wouldn't have wanted that. And you know, the whole time I've been talking to you, I've been nice. (laughs) I mean, I've been pretty honest with you, at my own risk.
Until you leapt me at solstice, I did have a job. They did have me doing lower level things. Actually, what they had me doing was teaching of some of the more beginning people, for the most part. I was pretty good at teaching people how to do what I did. They didn't want me out in the field that much. And I was a pretty good teacher. Because I can read people so well, I can see how to teach 'em. (laughs)
Alan's such an innocent, Cathee. He really is. I know to you he seemed like a cult leader in training. But he's got a lot of blind spots. I think he's one of those people who is really easy to use. So I wouldn't be surprised if he is really being used. But it's not me that's using him. I'm sure his mind is being watched. Maybe the Leapers could tell you what's going on there. Maybe my mind's been messed with so I don't remember things. I don't know.
I went through Johnny withdrawal (laughs) even though I was hardly in him at all, at least on some parallels. It was almost like in the act of trying to impersonate him, I realized how hopeless that was. That he really is a great man. And I came to have feelings for him, I think much like Stan does, of boy, I was lucky to even be around him. I didn't see it at the time. But after he was gone. Boy, the depression. (chuckles) I think everybody was in Johnny withdrawal. He was just such a light. And had so much energy. Was such an enthusiastic. . . . Wanting to reach out to everyone in the country with his broadcasts, his policies. He was everybody's friend, I mean almost literally. He won by a landslide. And he didn't need help from us to do that.
Yeah, it was Sarah Palin that he ran against ostensibly. (laughs) And I don't think she was smart enough to be a president. It would have been scary. (laughs) Of all the factions in the background government, I don't even know who was backing her. I mean, apparently somebody must have been, but we sure weren't. It was like oh, my gosh.
She had a bad habit of saying really ignorant-sounding things. I think she did that on your parallel too, maybe. But she was the one in the spotlight when she was running against Johnny. You could just see her handlers cringe. (laughs) Every debate, and every speech she made, they'd have to do some damage remediation of who she insulted or how dumb she sounded. And of course, there's a big block of dumb Americans out there who thought she was great. It's scary how many people were supporting her. But she could be really biting, too. She could say total lies about Johnny and his record, and do it with such finesse that he was on the defensive a lot. You know, that's not the way to discuss policy, if you just are discussing lies, really.
We used to do a lot of Sarah Palin joking, and I used to tell my superiors, no way am I tapping that woman. No way. I mean, that was the big joke. Nobody wanted to do her. (laughs) We would have made her look good, was the joke. Any of us. (laughs) You know, they probably wanted us to clone her right before a debate. And I don't think she was cloned, and it was just a bad cloning that was making her look so bad. Who knows? (laughs) It's possible. That would have been somebody not in our group if that was true. So that meant that we had to clone a genius, like John.
He really was a political genius, Cathee. He could bring people together. He could make enemies friends. It was magical to be around him. And since he was so unobtrusive about it, just so friendly, so every day, you didn't realize he was a political genius unless you really stood back and thought, oh my gosh, look at what he's accomplished, to get people to talk, to get people to be happy. Everybody was always cheerful around him. He seemed like a true democratic president, that everybody was an equal. And he considered you his equal. There just wasn't much arrogance in that man at all. I think a lot of it was genuine. And I think he's walked into you and sees you as an equal. I think he really does, Cathee. He's a remarkable guy. Really remarkable. And I think your parallel's John is too.
So I feel like the arrogant, ignorant asshole who kills his wife and then grieves her the rest of his life, or something. I am so glad that he still is going to be able to have an influence somewhat from his position with you. I hope that you can reach back across to our parallel from where you are and still have an effect. Or go back in time. Whatever you do. Obviously, we need it if we're going to survive at all.
I think I would tell you that I'm humbly at your service like Stan did today. That was very painful, 'cause I would love to do that, but obviously you shouldn't trust me. Obviously. I blew it as much as anybody possibly, possibly could. I mean, the ultimate disloyalty is what I was into. And it's to me a miracle every day that you all leapt me, and that I'm here, and that I'm treated with respect. I'm just amazingly grateful every day of my life. I don't know that my blind spots are all gone, but I'm grateful. I figure that's a good start.
But I would do anything for you now, you and Johnny. I would give my life for you, without even thinking twice. As I look back, I think I was so amazingly empty. I don't think I felt loved by anybody. I was very touched by what Stan told you today. Of course, we're all listening. I hope you don't mind. I thought that was very touching, what he said about being loved. And I think it's true that I was looking for that too.
I feel loved by you, Cathee, almost as much as by anybody. You're very compassionate and very forgiving. And I hope I'm not being hard on Johnny now by talking to you this long. I know it's hard for him to be around me. I think he has just this visceral reaction to me. And I hope that's not why you were feeling tired today, just because I was around. But I do feel like I would love to do anything for you I could. And I know you told me today, "Well, go help other people. That's the way you pay us back." And in a way that makes sense, but in a way that's not directly satisfying.
If I could influence Alan to help you, or anything, I certainly would do that. But I'm probably not much help except to be the (chuckles) bad example of what not to do. So, oh well. (laughs) If you would ask me to go clone Sarah Palin, I still wouldn't do that, but anything else (laughs) I would do for you.
I know you're a little nervous that I have the power to clone people, and the skill. And I think you were a little nervous around Stan, too, that he has the power to spin off all these parallel selves. I think you don't know quite what to do with us. You were just a simple person, you feel, and here you suddenly find yourself around these master sorcerers. Which make your little energy clearings. . . . well, some of those were pretty powerful, Cathee. I don't think you should feel that way, 'cause I think we're pretty in awe of you at your love. At your love for Johnny especially, and John. You know, and us. (laughs) It's very rare that someone who has grown up like Stan and I—I mean, we grew up quite differently, but—in the loveless environments we grew up in, you are just this amazing anomaly to us. And so are Jonathan and Malaemata and everybody here, that this kind of love can exist. That you're with Johnny 'cause you love him. (chuckles) He's with you 'cause he loves you—as well as it just working out that way. But it wouldn't have worked if you hadn't loved each other. It's very touching to see how tender you are together. I know a lot of times you're not really thinking about each other, but when you do, it's like a tearjerker movie. It's just like, oh wow. It's beautiful to see. And I think you should feel good about that skill. That quality that can't really be taught or learned, I think. It's, you open like a flower. I know your life hasn't been all roses either. But you still love.
So, I didn't mean to take you away from Johnny, but I know you had some questions. And I'm sorry, there's just a lot I don't know.
Cathee: Well, tell me this. Stan said, "Don't think we bother to tap the phone. We just read your mind." Is that state-of-the-art? I mean, for someone like Johnny and me. For the general populous, I assume you're not going to tap everybody's mind. I mean, are my phones even bugged, or is that like so old technology? (chuckles) And my computer. Does it matter even if I put things on the computer? You know, I was trying to keep some stuff off my computer that's connected to the internet. But it seems if it's in my mind it doesn't matter, does it?
Al: Well, I think you're just now about to put up almost everything anyway that you were afraid to put up. So, yeah.
See, this is comparing across parallels, and I don't know if I should do this, unless you want me to look. I think we probably were ahead of you in terms of cloning, telepathy, and parallel spin-offs. I think we were quite a bit ahead of you in the secret government that way. But you can see how easily I talk across parallels, so you know there's been a lot of cross-parallel work in your government too.
I don't know why some parallels go the way they go when others go the way they go, you know. My feeling is that for some reason the rest of the universe is letting your parallel's leaders get away with more torture and more war than on my parallel. I know Johnny said that part of the feeling that we had to cooperate was because of all the nuclear accidents and the resource depletion. But you're depleting resources right and left. Your parallel actually seems kind of crazy to me. We weren't exactly responsible, but as far as politics and resource distribution go, yours is really crazy. So that's why I hesitate to talk too much about what's going in your background government, because I figure it must be five times as crazy as what we were doing, even, because of the culture on yours.
To tell you the truth, I am just appalled if it's true that your Secret Service agents were involved with prostitutes. I mean, Obama's guys. That tells me you've just got a bunch of crackerjacks. They must not know anything at all about sex, or they wouldn't want to go to prostitutes period. I don't know anybody among my colleagues who would be dumb enough to go to a prostitute. Especially in a foreign country. But even here. Someone like me might be—and I wasn't, but—might be called upon to train the prostitutes to be psychic, basically. You know, something like that. But what your guys did is idiotic. (laughs) But I can't see why that story would just be a disinformation story. I don't know what the purpose would be.
So I don't know that much about your parallel's people, and how they operate. I don't know how many politicians are cloned on yours. But like it's been pointed out, we didn't have the cloning process down. (laughs) And I think we were ahead of you. So they may still be practicing on some lower level people on yours. But that's just my guess.
I do feel like I'm very close soul family to you. Very close. And so therefore Alan is too. And Kari is too. So you know, we cluster. We take on roles. And now. Now I'm ready for a new one, for sure.
I can't tell you the change in me since leaping. And leaping is something I was familiar with before, if you call it parallel self work. But I . . . boy. I had no idea when I asked to be leapt exactly how transformed I would end up being. It's amazing. My life, my sense of self—everything is totally different. Totally different. I mean, I don't really feel like the same person. And the old Al on my parallel—I don't know if people would hardly recognize me if I went back now. I feel like I'm constantly apologizing for this dude who really is pretty dead now. I feel like the butterfly who came out of the cocoon.
What you typed up yesterday was me talking over a year ago. I hardly could relate to it. I feel bad about it. I feel really, really bad about it. What a cheeky turd. But he seems like somebody else now.
And you may even have that experience. I don't even know if the Cathee that you were seven years ago working at the rock shop—I doubt if you feel like her. You know, who was she?
Cathee: You're right, Al. (laughs) My gosh, I'm different.
Al: Yeah. Remember when you first met your nature spirit ally, Mud? Oh, man. Look how far you've come, Cathee, in your understanding, in your abilities. Look who you're talking to. (laughs) You're talking to a president's cloner. (laughs) You never thought that would happen. I don't know if Mud or me is more exotic, or more like what you'd never . . . I mean, she's way ahead of me, in terms of skill and beauty. But your life has changed. And your life is changing so fast, I think you can hardly keep up with it. And mine is too.
So I can't tell you how happy I am to talk to you like this. I really do appreciate your friendship, Cathee, almost more than anybody's. You are my link. You knew me before—and Johnny did too—and you know me now. You're my before and after link. And I don't have a lot of those friends. You were willing to talk to me at my worst, you know, really. Well, not at my very worst. Johnny knew me at my worst. And I still don't expect him to be my good friend. He has been amazingly gracious, though. I think he's probably done more for me than I realize, because I was really out of it when they were doing a lot of the mirroring—you know, trying to find my soul for me, and put me back together. And Johnny was holding space for that. It wasn't like he would come and directly sit with me and do that. They just kind of went back and forth, I think, except right at first. But I think he's done more for me than I can ever imagine, probably. Being willing to do that. His being willing to let me live, to tell you the truth. It still amazes me he even let me leap over. The Leapers were amazing too. So I feel like I'm walking around the most indebted person in the universe, with the grace that has come to me. And even the grace in them cleaning me up. And patching me back together.
And it may be that that's why it's harder for me to know what's going on with Alan than ever, because I feel like I've leapt even farther from him in terms of just who I am and what I know. How I operate now.
But yes, I've been busy too, with the exodus. I've been working with them to bring over my friends, with amazing success, actually. So things are really going well. I hope they're OK with my friends. (laughs) I feel for them. (laughs) Jonathan and Malaemata are just so gracious. Their initial instinct is always graciousness. They're amazing people. So I think we all have it pretty good. And you'll be over here in no time at all, Cathee.
So thank you for still being there, and doing what you can. But let me know if you need help. I won't, you know, watch over you, 'cause I think that would drive you nuts. But if you need me, holler. I'll hear ya. OK? But I would agree with Stan that I don't think you have to have problems.
Blessings on your head, Cathee, and give Johnny my love. (laughs) I don't want to bother him by saying hello.
Cathee: OK. Bye Al.
Johnny: That was good. Thanks, Al. To be honest, I'm certainly not the same person I was either, so we're all kind of patched together, I think. Leapt in good directions, I hope.
Cathee, I feel strung out, just in the conversations we've had with people the last couple days. But this was good. This has been really good.
Cathee: Good in what way, Johnny?
Johnny: Well, I'm feeling safer, for one thing. And more hopeful that things are going to change. That we're actually being effective. Feels really good.
Cathee, I love you.
Cathee: I love you too, Johnny.
Johnny: Everything's going to be fine.
from Forgiven to:
Part Four of Parallel Worlds Leap Manual
Intro to Parallel Worlds Leap Manual
© Cathee Courter and Peter MacGill, photos and text. All rights reserved.
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